I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
