At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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