i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
