Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
