So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
