She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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