Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
