dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to make out with him forever
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
