Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
