It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
