someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
