Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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