I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
