IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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