Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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