there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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