as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
