I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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