i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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