Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize