Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
