question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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