They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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