There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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