if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
