My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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