I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
