he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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