his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize