Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
