Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
