i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
