just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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