i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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