I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
