Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
