I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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