Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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