k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
