He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
