my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
