I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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