I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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