Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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