It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my liver is dry heaving
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
