Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
