stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
