in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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