i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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