let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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