I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
