Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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