I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
