OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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