Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
