I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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