mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
