do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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