Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
