She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
