I understand Curling. That high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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