the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
