I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
